QUEST

I feel that I am too old to be on this quest. I meet ladies my age that already have it figured out, at least more than I do, so it seems.  I am still trying to sort mine out on many fronts. All I know is am here till end of Sept b/c of work. I desire to be involved “work” with something that I love, that is meaningful and that I can live from. I debate w/ the idea of going back to what I know and having a regular stable office job. My life in PDX was not too bad.  I only seem to remember the good times. I miss the life I had there and maybe that’s because that’s the only place I was truly independent.

I am a bit jealous or envious, which is something I have not felt in a long time. I guess I am inpatient again. I searched and tried and gave myself time last year, so I am tired of trying. I am tired of settling in to a new place. Maybe I want too much; every place will have pros and cons and I need to just be content with one. Perhaps, I have it backwards. I know what I want, but just need to find the process to achieve it, while others had no clue what they wanted but are happy with the outcome. Maybe I am just trying to hard? There’s so much going for Homer and I really love the people and community here but I am just not sure if I can make the cut long term w/ the weather and darkness. Even summer is too cold! Hopefully all this trying will add up to something good.

I realized today that fear controls us in so many ways. For instance, health insurance and the fear of not having it. Would we work were we do, if they did not offer health insurance as a benefit? No wonder, social healthcare looses in our gov’t.

I must say though it has been very interesting living this new work lifestyle. There’s pros and cons to having a few “jobs” vs 9-5 M-F.  My only real paying one is the 8 hrs farmer market one. I wish I had more time to get another paying job. But, I hardly have a day off now. However, I am with people I like and working on stuff that interests me when I am not a nanny. There’s variety and my nanny gig is flexible. The hours are random at times so there’s still time for some fun at night, but I stay in usually. I took off this week from volunteering and got to escape again across the bay. Everyone says I should go when I have the chance and luck for me, my adopted family has a great place there. I am enjoying all the moments here while my mind races w/ the bigger life stuff. Homer being so cool (pun intended) makes it a hard decision if I stay or go.  Click here for awesome pix.