So usually my blogs are filled with cool sights, fun times, and overall happy living. With all the many changes I have experienced this past year, it has been creeping up on me. I've been a bit moody while having some fears and doubts with transitioning into a new career.
I knew quitting a job to travel was crazy. I almost did not go through with it. Now that I am back to a more stable life (not traveling) and still jobless, I look back and think man what did I do? What ifs come to mind like what if i don't work for another year? what if I don't get work ever again? what if I get really sick?
The other change for me is moving from a city to a town. At first moving to VT seemed like cake. And after about a month, things started to hit me. It's amusing looking back at things and analyzing your state of mind before and after. I never lived in a house before except for one year when I was 12 in Malta. That may sound silly or like no biggie but there's a lot of little house stuff to take care of and clean vs apt :) Also, I am use to things being within walking distance and fast public transport to stores and everyday stuff. Now I have to schedule errands, volunteer, etc with the 30 mins bus schedule that stops running at 5:30pm and does not work on Sundays. I can walk but that would take 45 min one way to downtown. I miss my independence. I thought I was missing Portland, especially after watching Portlandia. But Portland was the last place I had a job and was able to take care of myself by myself. Yes, the city is cool and peeps are great (and i miss my friends), but I miss even more than what I originally thought or expected.
It is so weird how thoughts and ideas changes. Back then i was hating the structure and routine my work schedule formed. I felt like a robot waking up at the same time, going to the same place. So mechanical was the process. Now, I have a wacky schedule and it tires my mind. Always thinking and having to be on b/c there is no routine. I wish there was a balance were one could have it all some structure and some flexibility for change.
It takes time to adapt to a new place and job/moving are two huge life stresses. It's not that I am constantly unhappy or even regret my decisions. I just feel a little loss at times, especially with the career stuff. But I am slowly adapting and trying to figure things out. I'm happy to be by Dave's side and to have him by mine. Poor Dave has to hear all of this from time to time and I thank him for his patience and loving support :)
As the weather warms up, I feel my mood and body improving. I have seen a few cool things here in VT since my last post, check out the pix here.